How I'm Craving You by GrrRawrRainbow
Chapter 1: Chapter 1
Author's Notes: This isn't set in any of the books or any specific timeline it is just something i came up with and didn't really worry about that much.

"What are you whining about Potter?" he spat. I crumpled further into my protective ball hoping that the spiteful Slytherin would just leave me alone as I sobbed into my cut up hands. 



"Aww look guys, little pussy Potter is crying."



I flinched at the remark, the hateful blond boy that I had always hated, loomed over me in a way that told me the beating wasn't over. I saw a dark figure out of the corner of my eye and before I could call for help I was kicked in the stomach.



Draco pulled my head back by my hair, "He's mine Potter! You'll never have him!" he growled in a sharp whisper. I whimpered. "Just so you don't miss out though, I'm going to give you what he gives me every night."



My eyes widened and I struggled to get away but he quickly stopped me with a spell and I couldn't move my legs. He flipped me onto my stomach and pulled down the back of my pants I choked on new tears as he forced himself into me roughly. I cried out uselessly as I felt the blood trickle down my legs.



Who would have thought that I, Harry Potter, would be here, unable to move my legs, being raped by this dirty Slytherin, all because of a rumor, the fact that it was true didn't matter, it was still just a rumor to everyone. I stayed silent, what use was it to scream now? No one was going to save me. I lay there; still unable to move because of the curse, tears streaming down my eyes. Then I felt his seed shoot into my ass as he came. He lifted the curse after he was dressed and left me laying there.




I woke up with tears running down my face from the horrible flashback of a dream. I needed help, and I needed it bad, three months! Three months, and I still hadn't gotten any better mentally. I just wanted to forget.  I knew who the figure had been, it had been Snape, the man I loved, the man I wanted to be with so bad, but he had only acted as if he hadn't noticed, but he did almost immediately end his and Draco's relationship.



I knew not to hope. He didn't do it to be with me, he did it because he had had sex with someone else, whether I had consented or not wouldn't have mattered. I flinched as an, obviously, male hand was on my back to comfort me.  



"Harry, please, calm down."



I turned to Ron and managed a small smile. I still hadn't told him what had happened. I supposed he figured it out though, I avoided touching people, guys especially, if at all possible. I even shuddered away when Severus touched me. I didn't deserve him now, now when I wasn't pure for him. I hated myself so much, but I couldn't talk about it.



It was time to get up anyway so I climbed out of bed and got dressed. I always hated going to potions class now, Draco was always sitting between my desk and Snape's, all of the class period he would  tell me how he and Severus had reconciled their differences and were fucking in Snape's quarters every night. I didn't want to believe it, but no matter what I wished Severus well;  how I craved his love, I wanted it, but I couldn't accept it, I was chilled by any masculine touch ever since that night.



Hermione finally broke down and begged me to tell her what was wrong.



"Just tell me, Harry," she would beg, and I would just shake my head no and look away.



"Harry, I know something awful happened, if you tell me I can help you."



"You can't help me Hermione! If I thought it would help I would tell the world to make it better, but it won't help me now!"



At the tone in my voice she turned away hurt when she had only wanted to help. I didn't care I just wanted to die, to forget everything. I didn't sleep well because of the nightmares, I didn't eat because I couldn't bear to look up in the Great Hall to do so for fear of seeing the hate-filled gaze of Severus, I was failing my classes, and I couldn't even come up with the strength to get up every morning without the help of Ron, who was starting to feel as put off as Hermione.



Life, simply put, was hell. I was afraid that he could come for me again even without the rumors circulating. I was always looking over my shoulder, but who could I tell who would understand? Nobody. They wouldn't care; it would just be more gossip to bury me alive. I felt suffocated and there was only one way out.



That night I took out a piece of paper and a pen and wrote a letter to Ron and Hermione, thanking them for always being there, one to my aunt, uncle, and cousin, telling them how they had made my existence hell, but thanking them for shaping me to be a stronger person, and finally one to Severus.



It cut me deep to write his, I spilled everything out to him, the whole night of my rape, what had been said, the beating before hand, how he had done nothing to help, but also how much I loved him, even though he let it happen, how I could never hate him, and how I would miss him.



I left them all in my drawer except for Severus's letter, I burned it.  I needed to tell him everything face to face; I needed that closure before I was gone.  I crept to his rooms and stopped short before knocking.



"You think I give a damn if you're sorry?! If I've told you once I've told you a million times, I will not forgive you for what you did!"



Severus was pissed at someone, but they had yet to speak.



"You know that little pussy Potter deserved it, he was going to take you away from me!"



Draco, of course he would think I deserved it...



"That would have been my choice as well! Have you ever been raped?"

There was a pause. He must have shaken his head.



"I didn't think so. It is hell, you never forget it, and you never fully get over it. Now, get out!"



I heard something smash against the hard brick wall of the dungeon. I quickly wrapped my invisibility cloak around me so that he wouldn't see me. Malfoy exited the room, his eyes puffy from crying, shards of glass in his arm from whatever had hit the wall. I slid quietly into the room before the door closed.



In the room, the brick walls were draped with green and silver silk. I large black bed with green covers and silver pillows occupied the center of the room, rows upon rows of books adorned the eastern wall. Scattered around the room were books form the shelves and ingredients for potion making. In the south-western corner was a work bench for preparing potions, while the north-western corner was dominated by a black couch and matching loveseat.



Snape lay shirtless across that couch with his hands over his face. I sucked in a quick quiet breath as I looked at the toned planes of his pale body. He looked over my way and I couldn't breathe.



He got up and walked over toward me.



"The cloak makes you invisible Mr. Potter; however I can still smell your cologne and hear you breathing."



I slowly shed my cloak, letting it fall to the ground. I looked down, not being able to meet his eyes. Everything I had wanted to say disappeared from my mind. I couldn't bring the words to my lips, it was too hard to try to say goodbye. He spoke as I tried to think of something to say.



"I know what he did to you. I should have stopped it, and I know you must hate me for letting it happen. If I could do it over again, I would have helped you."



He pulled me into a cautious hug. I cringed and then snuggled into his embrace. Even though he was too old for me, to special for me and had never shown me any kindness until this moment, I knew that my soul mate had to live in there somewhere, and that was why I could never get him out of my head, even if I had wanted to.

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and all associated characters belong to J.K. Rowling and others. All publicly recognizable characters and settings are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No money is being made from this work. No copyright infringement is intended.

This story archived at Snarry.net - http://www.snarry.net/viewstory.php?sid=329